My first baby!

I am sort of walking around in a fog today. I already cried twice before 8:00am. Why you ask? Because my first born is turning 11. 11 years ago I became a mother. Well actually I felt like a mother the minute I found out I was pregnant with her. I sort of felt that protective feeling that my life really meant so much more now that I was this baby’s mother. She changed my life, she has been my constant. She is really her mother’s daughter. I understand her dramatics and over reactions to the tiniest things, she is my daughter. I understand her frustration with her naturally curly beautiful hair, she is my daughter. I understand her love for creatures big and small, she is my daughter. I sometimes look at her and think to myself about how truly lucky I am to have been given the opportunity to have this special person in my life. Right now her life is full of soccer friends, tv and movies, the next meal and socializing. Her life is not full of studying or a strong work ethic but we are working on that. I see the truest part of her when she is mothering her baby brother. While she argues constantly with Jackson she reserves her most loving mothering care and concern for her baby brother. She takes her time with him and cares for him. I sort of grin because I know if there is any proof that I was a good mother it will be in the way she mothers. I won’t share that with her yet, I still need her to believe that babies are poop diapers and no sleep. Thank you god for allowing me to raise your angel. I love her with all my heart.

A few homemade surprises

Making most of the decor for Julias upcoming birthday has had it's challenges. I do enjoy crafting but I don't enjoy crafting with three kids running around. My time has been limited to after 8:30pm when everyone is asleep and between 1-3pm while the little one is naping and the other two can be kept busy with a movie.

I will have more images and details on these two projects after the party is over. Making nests seemed like a easy idea, I give major props to mommie birds!! The mushrooms were time consuming because I wanted them each to have a different look to them.

4 days and counting!

Fall Love

Fall Love by cv715 featuring vintage tops

I blinked and then November was here.

So I borrowed this header from Elise Blaha, I hope she doesn't mind. It was too cute to pass up. So October is over, out of here, in the books. Now it's on to November. Ahh Nov. the month that brings 4 family birthdays, the end of soccer season, a huge Turkey, anxiety over Christmas and cooler weather. I want to squeeze in a camping trip this month but I doubt that will happen. I am excited over my lemon and tangerine bounty that is blowing up in the backyard! At least 100 lemons and close to 50 tangerines. Looking out my window over the last 3 days I could literally see the colors change on the hard round fruit. Each morning a new shade of lemon and orange and I am thrilled to bits that my trees have survived another season. The orange tree is coming in last with 2 pieces of fruit. Now wait the pomegranate tree is last, one piece of fruit this year. But for a tree that wasn't supposed to fruit at all I guess we are actually coming out on top.

Projects this week include a owl stuffie for Jackson to work on and pumpkin inspired baked goods. Plus working on Julias party goodies. 18 days away!!

Woodland/Fall Forest Friends/Chocolate Party

It's another party. This time Julia has requested a Chocolate party. Only my daughter. So I started to plan it around a woodland theme and it really does fit perfectly. Some ideas to get me inspired.

So I met this guy Edward and well.....

Pumpkin Picking

This weekend we took the littlest bird James to the pumpkin patch to ....pick pumpkins. Since the other two were with their dad we had to make this trip solo. I missed those two. Like a lot, like so much that I took more pictures then I ever take so they can see them and feel like they were there too. We bought 5 pumpkins representing each person in our family. Even when Julia and Jack are gone they are still right there. I had someone tell me awhile ago how lucky I was to get that break every other weekend, to not have a house full of kids. To get that alone time. I am not lucky. In fact it is the hardest thing to deal with. It like a mini roller coaster of emotions for me. Its like someone cuts off my right arm for 48 hrs and then sews it back on when they return. However I am grateful for the Monday evening matchup when they have come back home and I pour over them like syrup. I smell them, hug and kiss them and swear that they have grown inches. It like a homecoming. I cuddle them extra long and extra hard and even James gets in on the action. He misses those guys too. Our family is again complete and everything is right with the world.

Fall

October 2007. I remember thinking, darn it I am going to be pregnant during the summer and its so freakin hot!! (I had two older children so I knew what to expect). Now when fall rolls around, the warm weather and breezy days, the seasonal things I do remind me of that time. I still get sad. I still wonder too. I would melt through a hundred summers to have that baby back. I am sure time will help ease the memory. I actually pray it does. Dr's told me to wait. I didn't listen, was back in the hospital on Christmas morning getting blood drawn to check HCG levels. Spent all night New Years Eve calling to get the test results, positive.. negative..Celebrated Jan 2008 with the news we were expecting again. September 2008, James was born. His birth while completely amazing and fullfilling did nothing to diminish the sad feelings I have for my lost autumn baby. So many people had said it would. Why did I think his birth would fill the hole left in my heart? I reserve some time and space in October to remember the little one who it seems has been forgotten by everyone else. But not by me, not by your momma. I have 4 little birds but only 3 chirp at my feet, one chirps at the feet of the Lord.

Social skills - who needs them?

World of Jenks is a new series on MTV. I stumbled across it while channel suffering for some music to clean by. At first I blew it off as another MTV waste of time but I was drawn in by the subject matter. Andrew Jenks spends a week with a 20yr old autistic adult. I knew immediately that this was something I had to watch. I was hooked. I cried, I reflected, I felt waves of emotion similar to when we had Jackson diagnosed with ADHD. It was a struggle to watch but I really felt like I got some insight to how Jack feels on occasion. High sensitivity to stimulation, his inability to get over something that just isn't that important (ie: forgetting a book at home). Quick changing emotions and wide ranges of thoughts with focus just as wide.

Jackson and ADHD has sort of rested on my mind recently due to the weekly social skills therapy group we as a family have been attending. 8 weeks of therapy that will hopefully teach Jackson and us the skills needed to adapt better in social environments. Really this therapy is something that every child should go through and a few adults too. The classes begin with adults split from the kids and we go over our individual struggles with the skills being taught. Then we are brought together with our children to discuss what was learned. It is comforting to hear other parents who are experiencing the exact same things you are and disturbing to hear stories that you can't relate too. I wonder if there are some symptoms that haven't manifested yet. It does feel like we ride these waves of change with him so often. First it was the OCD, then the ticks and now the verbal skills diminishing. Waves of change.

So we work on skills and we work on encouraging the good behavior and re-directing the bad. We work on cool down techniques and boundaries. Ways to speak to get our thoughts across in a proper manor. See what I mean. I am sure you know a few adults who could be helped with some social skills therapy. Every week we work, whose kidding every hour we work. I am thankful that Jackson is healthy and that his ADHD hasn't kept him from having a basically "normal" life. But I do think about how it would be if he didn't have to take meds and didn't have the 6:00pm crash ever night. How his body would be if it had the ability to just rest. His little muscles know nothing but movement. His brain knows nothing but rapid fire messages. How tired he must be. I just wish he could rest.

text + best friend = smile

Me: This is very important, can I borrow your Prices Right Wii video game
Em: LOL. sure its the older version though. but then so am i and you still like me.
Me: I don't just like you i love you more than my luggage.
Em: Aww thanks

Fake Doc Martens and sarcastic humor brought us together. Very few things keep us apart.... for too long.

Soccer Boy and Girl

A new season of soccer. Julia scored the "Dallas Cowboy" team, so far they look good (hair bows, soccer bag with names stitched on, t-shirts, custom waterbottles, matching head bands) but they haven't been much to chat about on the field. I think there is way to much forced positioning going on.

Jackson on the other hand is the opposite. His team has no banner, no shirts... nothing extra. They are 1-1 and Jack scored 2 goals last weekend. Enough for the coach to pull him and allow the other kids some elbow room. I called him ball hog super stud, Chad called him "good boy".

BTW I love both kids, no favorites here, Julias pictures did not go to my e-mail address so I doubt I will ever see them. Booooo hooooo

Nuff said!!

Fall..... I swear it's right around the corner...

I simply can not wait for fall. Since I have the pleasure of being up at 5:30am I have noticed the cool crisp smell and feel of the air and I can see it roll in before the blazing sun burns it off by 8:00am. The kids are living in layers and while I hate tracking down all the clothes.. I love the fact that the season is changing.

I wrote a summer manifesto and I think I need to do one for Fall. It always helps give me a GUIDELINE to the type of season I would like to share with my family.

So here it goes. I want to spend this fall 2010 doing the things I love best with my family and friends. I want to cook lots of soup, spend time working on my THIRTY THREE list, spend soccer weekends picniking during the games, get in a last camping adventure, eat apple pie, thrift some jackets, make apple cider from scratch, cook a few turkeys, spend time on the porch under a blanket with HOT COCO and muffins, read more to the kids or in Jacksons case be read too, relax on Sundays and kick back more on the couch, craft nights with Julia, garden fall veggies and last but not least chill out from the hot summer days.

Fall finds #2

Fall finds #2 by cv715 featuring a vintage coat

Fall Finds #1

Fall Finds #1 by cv715 featuring flats shoes

Lovely finds for fall! I just want to surround myself with all these wonderful things. They make me smile, they make me shine and they make my wallet super light. I may pick up a few pieces but I hope to find equally good finds thrifting.

kids music for a cause

I started reading Pacing the Panic Room a year or so ago and was immediately captured by the photography of Ryan Marshall. Over the past 16 or so months I have been a recent visitor and spent many a hours wandering through his postings, his photography and his video makings. This guy is good. One of his recent projects has been in support of his stepson LB and his diagnose of SMS. Ryan along with various musical buddies, a lot of time and effort and a ton of faith have created a kids album for sale on itunes.

100% of the proceeds from the sale of this album goes to a grant fund he established with PRISMS. The money will be made available to grad students who wish to make SMS their field of choice, the benefit of this is more hard research being done, which leads to more case studies, which leads to more answers for parents and researchers.

As part of a huge blogger movement I have added a widget to help support the launch of his CD. If you notice on the widget at the very bottom there is a Make a Donation feature. This is here for anyone that is moved to make a larger donation than simply buying the album. If you can mention it, or just draw some attention to the fact that it is there, that would be lovely.

For more details about SMS or Ryan and LB visit his blog. I promise you won't regret it. To purchase the CD click below. It's good stuff.

Camping weekend!

Styling a Bloody Mary bar and a Smore Bar. I know its not your grandma's camping but I am mixing two of my favorite things for my Birthday camping trip. I love to style tables and parties in general and this weekend I wanted to bring some "fun" to our camping trip. We have a few guests joining us so I thought I would add some fun details to the meals. Bloody Marys count as a meal you know.

So far I am beyond 20 ingredients for the bar and the smores have been upgraded a bit. My biggest problem with styling these bars is gaining height and since I am hauling everything with me I predict the same problem this time. So we shall see what come of this adventure.

I have so much to do that I sort of feel like doing nothing at all.

I thought I would make a list, because making lists is not on my to do list but it makes me happy.

1. Call Kaiser and check on babies stool samples.
2. Look up Teen Mom on MTV and post on message board about my dislike for Farrah.
3. Organize for back to school
4. Work on family calendar for Sept/Oct
5. Call sister about family calendar for Sept/Oct
6. Send thank you to Duana for super fun craft night last week.
7. Begin planning the Gabba Gabba party
8. Keep reviewing the ipod family (as I have been for 3 years) and continue to convince myself what a waste of time and money all these items are. Shit my CD player at home works just fine. And that ole paper and pen isn't out of style. What college students don't write in cursive....
9. Pick a day to start my Bikram classes and STICK to it!
10. Blog my Sacramento trip, cause it was fun and I want to remember parts of it, and forget one small part.
11. Start digging for treasure in random places because in order for #7 and #8 and #9 to happen I need to find me some GOLD.

2010-1977

2010-1977 tells me I am going to be 33 at the end of this month. I am not sure how I feel about 33. The number looks young, it sort of stands off the page a bit. It doesn’t match the death sentence that I think 43 would. 33 kind of sounds like I still have a chance to get it all back. 33 seems sort of like the highlight time. Like this year I could really make some changes and steer this ship onto a newer fresher course.

A LIST OF 33 BEFORE 34
I have seen other artists, bloggers and mothers do this and I thought it would be fun to try this year. Of course not all of these things can be accomplished, but it would be fun to try. Lets see how far I can get!
1. Mail out 33 postcards or hand written letters, and no Christmas doesn’t count
2. Find 10 new places to eat
3. Try 33 new recipes
4. Learn how to sew on paper and in journals
5. Spend 33 minutes outside on the sidewalk with chalk
6. Take 33 self portraits
7. Walk 33 minutes or more 2 times a week
8. Scrap 33 pages
9. Journal 33 prompts
10. Photo shoot with mom and dad
11. Do a week cleanse at least twice
12. 33 random acts of kindness
13. Craft a lot of my Christmas presents
14. Buy more Etsy and less Target
15. Build a nest
16. Wear more vintage house dresses
17. Wear my fun extensions more often
18. Spend 33 minutes a day working on crafty goodness
19. Photograph 33 new subjects in Macro
20. Eat 33% less taco bell
21. Plant 10 new things in the garden, starting with lettuce
22. Blog 33 times
23. Spend 33 dollars in a candy store (that one is going to be hard)
24. Find 33 different ways to tell the kids how much I love them
25. Take a 33 day challenge of some sort, maybe walk 33 minutes a day for 33 days?
26. Watch 33 movies, thanks Netflix
27. Once a month craft days
28. Once a month purge days
29. Host a girls only camping retreat in the cabin
30. Take a online class on a new crafting concept
31. Pick a subject to photograph and start a collage
32. Host a Porch Wine Night
33. Live in the moment and recognize it, journal it, craft it, express it, share it

4 weeks away and I already have my entire year planned!

Renegade 2010

It was really everything I dreamed it would be. I am exploding with ideas and ready to craft. Now I just need to find the time. I can't wait till next year!